Limbo
i am in such a rut. i feel so stuck. i need an outlet. right now my outlet is going out at night with friends. i love it, but it has lost some of its appeal. i want a spooning partner. i think bob dylan wrote "it's not me babe" for me-even though it was written years before i was born. it is the theme song for the boys in my life. no one will ever be enough or think that i am enough. i don't know if there are really any good ones out there. i am petrified that i am right. i don't want to be right about this one.
i know the one boy is(well was) using me, but really i knew all along and was using him too-to fill the void-to distract me from the emptiness. i hate that i need someone else to make me feel whole.
if i were to ever write a good song, i think it would be like "dancing in the dark." it is just one of those songs that just makes perfect sense to me. i heard a slow cover of it once. it was so pretty and so sad. i spend too much time "worrying about my little world falling apart" or maybe how it already has.
everyone has their own delimas and i hate complaining all of the time so i guess this is a good outlet. i doubt anyone will ever actually read this. hopefully i never show it to anyone that i know. they would never get it. not that i do either.
i sometimes think in the lyrics i hear. that is how i know it is a good song-when i truely relate to the lyrics.
i need to settle the past...i think. i am calling him soon to talk about it i think. i don't know if it is a good idea, but i don't know how else to get over being hurt. i was so happy we weren't together, but i always thought he would be one of my best friends. how could you ever do what he did to a best friend. i really thought that i meant the world to him. i was wrong, but i need to know why he felt it necessary to keep the lie going for so long. i think i am going to call him now. i haven't talked to him in over 2 months i think. i need to do it, but i don't want to. and since i am the only one who reads this i guess i am wishing myself luck. well i think i might watch real world first. haha
i know the one boy is(well was) using me, but really i knew all along and was using him too-to fill the void-to distract me from the emptiness. i hate that i need someone else to make me feel whole.
if i were to ever write a good song, i think it would be like "dancing in the dark." it is just one of those songs that just makes perfect sense to me. i heard a slow cover of it once. it was so pretty and so sad. i spend too much time "worrying about my little world falling apart" or maybe how it already has.
everyone has their own delimas and i hate complaining all of the time so i guess this is a good outlet. i doubt anyone will ever actually read this. hopefully i never show it to anyone that i know. they would never get it. not that i do either.
i sometimes think in the lyrics i hear. that is how i know it is a good song-when i truely relate to the lyrics.
i need to settle the past...i think. i am calling him soon to talk about it i think. i don't know if it is a good idea, but i don't know how else to get over being hurt. i was so happy we weren't together, but i always thought he would be one of my best friends. how could you ever do what he did to a best friend. i really thought that i meant the world to him. i was wrong, but i need to know why he felt it necessary to keep the lie going for so long. i think i am going to call him now. i haven't talked to him in over 2 months i think. i need to do it, but i don't want to. and since i am the only one who reads this i guess i am wishing myself luck. well i think i might watch real world first. haha
Labels: dancing in the dark, empty, songs, unclear
posted by Her Great Expectations at 8:38 PM
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