3 weeks

been three weeks. sad, but not a mess at all. I miss him, but i dont think we can turn back. i think that i will always compare everyone else to him. I wonder if i will ever be able to move on to anyone else. doesnt seem so at the moment, but i know that will eventually change. part of me still thinks we will get back together, but as of right now I haven't decided if that is for the best.

i just want someone that makes me laugh more than he makes me cry.

I dont want to be made of stone anymore.

I feel like i am on anti-depressants that dont let me fell anything-which is a good and bad thing.

i love my life
i just wish that it made sense.

i wish i had updated when everything seemed as close to perfect as i knew we would ever get.
it only lasted a few days.
we are over now. this time i think it will stick-because of me not him. he expected me to move there. i won't put myself through that again. if history repeats itself then i would want to shoot myself. i told him all of our flaws togethers. i thought that he was listening. he said ok, but putting aside all of those problems distance now makes for the biggest obstacle. i said i know. he kissed my forehead and left. i stopped crying.
i didnt want to sit home-so she said that she would take me out as good friends do-he called and thought i didnt care-i told him i wasnt getting drunk i just didn't want to be alone-he said that he would have moved here for me. he said to fuck myself and he hates me. i said goodbye.
that was our last conversation. i really wonder if those will be our final words to each other.
most moments i am fine. i am not a wreck like i usually would be. things are differant this time. i still love him, but we were not making each other happy. i love him.
he never listened. i told him everything i have always wanted to say and 20 mins. later he basically shows me that he couldnt even listen to that. i wonder how fast he will move on.
i think my heart is made of stone.